Not all relationships are meant to last. It’s a fact of life, and a sort of process that we all go through. There are so many positive experiences that you can have when you enter into a relationship with someone. But god does it hurt when you break up. Songs have been written about it, movies have been made; even trends have emerged on twitter (#taylorandcalvin).
But what about when friends break up?
Are friendships deeper than romantic relationships?
Friendships often last for years; a lot of the time they are born in school. They stand the test of time and create a trust like no other. A friend is the one you turn to when your mother is driving you up the walls and won’t let you go to the teenage disco. A best friend (or bestie) is the one you cannot wait to call when you find out you are expecting a baby. That bestie’s arms are also the ones that you fall into if a boyfriend breaks up with you. Friendships tend to outlast many a romantic relationship in a person’s life.
So what goes wrong?
Much like a romance, friendships can sometimes fizzle out. Two people can grow apart and move in different directions. In this case, both parties simply drift away and the process is practically painless, given that the sentiments are mutual.
But in the case when one friends suddenly rips the plaster off without notice – it burrrrrrns. One person is happily going along, life is great, my best friend is there for me etc. Then BOOM – the bomb drops and that friend is no more. It’s like your left arm has suddenly gone missing. First there is the shock of it all. Then comes the emotions; the anger, and the sadness. Then the wondering about what exactly went wrong. Then some more anger and tears and finally…….a hollow. It’s like a long term relationship break up times ten.
Two sides to every story.
No relationship ends ‘suddenly’. (Unless of course there has been a serious incident that warrants it.) While one person is ignorantly blissful, the other is usually feeling a little disgruntled. Many a factor (including external influences) can then add to this unhappiness until finally something will trigger a breaking point. Maybe one person was feeling a little neglected? Or perhaps the opposite feeling of being smothered? Either way, right or wrong, people don’t usually throw away something that they have invested themselves in for no reason. They too are hurting, and have been for a time.
Licking your wounds.
When good friends go bad, there is always the risk of things taking a turn down nasty lane, which runs parallel to bitchy street. Anger is in control here, but ex friends have a lot on each other and the ability to really hurt. Losing a friend is damage enough without having to heal additional battle scars. Time and absence is a great healer. Disconnect on social media and in social circles if possible. You cannot move on from someone when they are sitting right next to you all of the time.
It’s over. What now?
Life moves on.
There are plenty more besties in the sea.
Sometimes one friendship can be so consuming that you fail to recognise and appreciate all of the potential friendships around you. True friends may not have been there for the last twenty years, but they are here, right now and when you need them the most.
When you are truly over your break up, its best to look back on your time with your ex friend and cancel out all the bad stuff. Appreciate the time you had and great things you did. Regrets are pointless as they are out of your control.
And forget them.
And as the old saying goes, never cry over someone who wouldn’t cry over you.