I have never been good at accepting a compliment. I don’t know why, but when a person says ‘oh, you look well’ I immediately feel awkward and usually disagree with them. I find compliments embarrassing, and that’s just who I am. Maybe it’s an innate lack of confidence I have always battled with. I guess true confidence has to come from within.
I recently met someone who I hadn’t seen in a while. They congratulated me on the lastest baby, etc and then said ‘you look stunning girl!’ Queue me and my awkward reaction so I side stepped having to take the compliment by mentioning that I was going to Slimming World and still had a few pounds to go.
“But sure what do you need to be going to Slimming World for? There’s not a tack of you there! I wouldn’t go losing anymore weight if I were you, it will age you.”
Now, maybe most of you read that as a compliment. Perhaps it was intended as such. But the tone with which it was delivered, to me, said otherwise.
To paint the picture, I am not hugely overweight. I have an athletic build, can fit into my jeans, and can wear a bodycon dress with Spanx. (Without Spanx it’s like a marshmallow wearing a thong). But I have had to work HARD to get to this, and yes I still have a few pounds to go until I reach my goal.
To say that there is not a “tack of me there” is a bit ridiculous. I have never been and never will be underweight. And to warn me about aging? Protect and Perfect all you want honey but wrinkles gonna get ya. (Eventually).
Lets reverse this little social scenario on its head. I bump into a friend of mine who has had her second baby. I compliment her and her little bundle etc and she mentions that’s she has joined a slimming group.
“Yeah, you need to be going to a slimming group alright, well done you. There’s a fair bit of you to go around. Try lose a bit of weight now, it will make you look much younger.”
I’m thinking that would be when she would pick up her Bugaboo and swing it at me (bundle of joy hanging on for dear life).
So what makes one comment ok and the other one a cause for grievous bodily harm?
I don’t have the answer I’m afraid, so it’s one I’d ask you to think about.
Maybe I really can’t accept a”compliment”?
Maybe I was “skinny shamed?”?
Whatever it was, there is one thing I definitely cannot accept – labelling.
Stop categorising body types. Stop trying to fit into one. Fat, thin, chubby, skinny or my personal favourite that has been graciously (with a subtle hint of bitch) extended to me – well built.
I can’t understand how we have only 3 types of bodies really – fat, thin and in between. Bullshit. There are so many variations on the human body so that makes zero sense.
Kim Kardashian wrecks my head. But I wil give her this. She used that arse to break the Internet and the stereotype of what is beautiful. I see nothing skinny about her, curves galore!
I also love Rhonda Rousey. She has been blasted all over the cover of FHM – she’s fit, fierce, “well built” and stunning.
And then there is Taylor Swift – tall and thin and beautiful. Style Queen.
Get my point?
There is no one size fits all.
Variety is the spice of life.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
My well built arms and legs are fabulous.
Now I’ll take that compliment. From me, to me.